Abortion & Me (and You, Too!)
Let me begin by saying this - you know someone who has had an abortion. If you don’t believe me it’s because you aren’t a safe person to tell. There is no type. It’s someone from your church. A well-known community member. An aunt, sister, or mother. A student, classmate, or coworker. But you know someone. And the vast majority of those folks know it was the right decision for them, even years later.
It’s not me. At this point in my life if it were, I’d tell you. We have created a sense of stigma and shame surrounding this decision, and honestly I can’t figure out a good reason. With that said, abortion stigma as a topic is one that is still being researched, but stigma is what shapes law and social responsiveness to a medical procedure that nearly a quarter of people who can get pregnant will experience before they are 45. The age of 45 has always been an interesting aspect of that statistic to me; no matter your age it can impact you.
I hear people talk about the baby, but there is zero respect or consideration for the person carrying the baby to term. There are so many reasons for it to be not the right time or not safe for a person. But there is also a lack of investment in supporting families in the US, and it seems like anti-choicers could be a bit more concerned about infrastructure. Why can’t we invest money and energy in building effective safety nets to support folks who have children for whom they are struggling to provide? Why not mandate comprehensive leave so people who are pregnant don’t have to choose between being a parent and their career? Can we do something about our broken foster care system? Let’s invest in high-quality relationship education so kids feel confident enough to say no. (It doesn’t matter if you know how to put on a condom if you don’t feel like you can tell your partner to use one.) All this is based in a society that gives cis men permission to do whatever, so why not spend more time and energy on sexual asault prevention at an earlier age? All I see is a group of people yelling “The Bible!” (Quite literally; I used to work at Planned Parenthood and I had to deal with harassment from protesters multiple times a week.) I’ve never read the Bible, so I guess it must say somewhere in there to judge others, to shun thy neighbor, and that Jesus didn’t believe in providing resources to the poor. That’s the general vibe I get.
I’ve never had an abortion, but I made plans to get one. I was 28, just out of a four year abusive relationship, and my period was late. I was unemployed, living with family, and just trying to reconstruct my life (as often happens to women who leave their abusers). On day 42 since my last period, I knew being attached to him for the rest of my life (a man who made me believe he was going to kill me), as well as no financial means to support a child was not going to lead to a good life for me or the baby. I texted my friend; “Come on down, I’ll take you to your appointment.” I started checking my calendar. Then around day 45 I started my period. In retrospect, it's also possible I had simply miscarried. (Interesting fact, that's also technically an abortion - the term is “spontaneous abortion.”)
But that’s not why I support abortion access. In fact, growing up in a conservative area, I thought “other people” had abortions, and that I would never. I support abortion access because I believe everyone has a right to comprehensive healthcare, and a right to decide what is best for their body. We’re not talking about masks - where your health will directly impact the health and wellbeing of others. We’re talking about a private choice impacting the life of individuals, and has no bearing on your life. I also understand the implications when that person doesn't get a choice. We spend a lot of time talking about abortion - but we don’t talk about forced sterilization as a means of enforcing Eugenics in the US until the 1960s. We don’t talk about the forced sterilization of women who are incarcerated in the US, as recently as 10 years ago. Our nation also performs unnecessary hysterectomies on folks being held in immigration detention centers, a practice only interrupted in 2020 because of a whistleblower. Our government can make a decision on a person with a uterus never being able to give birth, while simultaneously forcing a person with a uterus to give birth. That just sounds fucked up. I don’t understand how people can say that and not be frightened.
As a Black woman in America, I’m not surprised by the continued efforts of a few to control the rights of a group. Unfortunately this is my everyday existence. But it also adds to the very real feeling that the United States isn’t a safe place to be. Racial equity is the condition that would exist if, in a statistical sense, you couldn’t predict how a person would fair based on their race. I’m statistically more likely to experience infant mortality if I were pregnant, and statistically more likely to die during birth. I am statistically more likely to experience police violence (this is also one of the reasons I don’t want to give birth to children of color in the US). I am statistically more likely to experience health risks directly related to stress, and this stress is often a key aspect of increased infant mortality. Even as a person born and raised in this country, and at least six generations in this country before me, I’m always being told I’m not wanted.
When I hear “abortion access” I hear self-determination. I hear addressing implicit bias in our health care systems, and challenging the misogynistic take on the Bible as a determinant of social policy. I hear prioritizing our wellbeing, and folks being allowed to live healthy, happy lives.
I hear freedom. My freedom. Yours, too.