If you run on coffee and Jesus, Chick-fil-a, Hobby Lobby, and/or Fox News, I have questions.

It is hard to talk about this without sounding like a walking billboard for white saviorism, or saviorism in general.  I see that.  In a way, it feels almost inescapable.  But often times, those I tend to be breaking with are the same people who go on mission trips or host big, high profile fundraising events where it seems like more money is poured into the event than into the “charity” while they simultaneously have conversations about “the Mexicans” and won’t recycle the cardboard at their businesses for fear the homeless in our community might use it for bedding.  Many of those same people claim not to know how to do the work.  If you have ever sold an MLM*, I promise you, you can do the work.  If white women put as much energy into anti-racist work as they put into selling us MLMs, we’d have had coffee dates to talk about it.  We would be gathering in conference centers with the “women who inspire us.”  We would be attending online parties in our pajamas with a glass of wine to talk about the benefits of anti-racism.  You’d have a #BLM sticker on your car window next to your stick-figure family.  We’d all have a surplus of anti-racism in our closets.

When thinking of the structure we’ve built for ourselves, the human constructs we call civilization, it’s hard to see past the chains.  What we call freedom is actually a system we’re all beholden to.  It’s upheld through a series of daily violent infractions, both big and small, in the form of racism, capitalism, environmental terrorism, settler colonialism, patriarchy, and all that those imply.  It’s a tangled web we weave, and no one is free from it.  Some inflict more harm than others, and some experience more harm.  But, like Morgain said last week, there is an argument to be made that those holding the power and inflicting the most harm have suffered such a fall from grace that their souls -their moral fabric -is dying.

If there is one thing we white people aren’t good at, it’s apologizing and meaning it. We messed up really bad 600 years ago and we know it.  But we waited 600 years to make the phone call to apologize and now we feel like it’s too late.  So instead of putting in the work to make that call and try to repair the relationship, we’re just going to dig our heels in and pretend like nothing happened.  We want to just bump into those we’ve wronged on the street and be like, “Hey man!  How are you? What’s it been, like 500 years?  You want to grab a coffee or something sometime?  Yeah, I’ll call you!”  But we’re still not going to call.  We never call and have the hard conversation that is admitting fault, apologizing, and doing the work to repair the relationship.  We’d rather avoid it and pretend like nothing’s wrong and the problem fixed itself.   Or maybe we don’t see a problem because we still hold the power, and maybe that’s the most important part.

Why is true freedom for all radical?  Why is the idea of a life without violence and dominion toward others absurd?  

I’m angry.  I feel like people who should care don’t show care in their daily actions, affiliations, or what they allow to go unchallenged.  Death by a thousand cuts isn’t cured by essential oils, it’s cured by stopping the cutting.  I want to yell and call people out. I want to slap the latte out of your hand and ask you why you can’t do WJD**.  But that’s not productive, and it’s not what I believe in. 

In my life’s journey to be more anti-racist, there is one thing I know to be true:  The journey never ends.  I will continue to make mistakes, and I hope that others will allow me grace and room to grow when that happens.  I need to extend that same grace and room to grow to others.  Anti-racism isn’t a pyramid scheme, and it’s not as simple as a phone call.  Next time I’ll talk more about it; will you join my anti-racism MLM?

*Multi-Level Marketing

**what Jesus did