Song of the Week: Change ~ Blind Melon

I’m baaaack.  It’s been awhile.  To say that my life has been roiled with upheaval would not be an exaggeration.  A lot has changed, and it’s been a lot to handle, but I’m getting there.  I’m starting to feel a little more grounded and whole again.

And while this season has forced me to look inward a lot, it’s also got me looking outward, and there is one big question that keeps coming back to me-Why are so many afraid of change?

Now I realize that this question is very nuanced, and there are a lot of very legitimate reasons why folks struggle with change, so this is a very meta conversation.  Those who are neurodiverse or struggling with trauma and other things that make change hard, I see you.  This is a different conversation than that.

This is more of a conversation for the MAGA crowd, the people who won’t take an ounce of prevention, those who seem more afraid of making a change than the negative effects of staying the same.

Why are so many insistent on the past having the answers instead of looking to the future?  We were so great before?  It’s a trap everyone falls into.  As a Gen-Xer, I hear myself bemoaning to my kids about how we didn’t have a TV or cell phones when I was little, and we played outside all the time.  Blah, blah, blah.  But the reality is, my kids are kids of the modern time and withholding modern things from them isn’t necessarily helpful.  We still spend a lot of time outside.  Daily adventures with the dog are everyone’s new favorite thing.  But yeah, they play Minecraft and watch Netflix.  The cellphone conversation is not on the table yet, but we’ve been learning boundaries around tablets and kids FB messenger.  When we feel they are ready for cell phones, they will have those, too.

Because let’s be honest, the world of their adulthood will not be the same world it is now, so raising them just for this time would be a mistake too.  They need to be able to change and adapt, because the world is going to change around them, whether they want it to or not.

So what is it?  Why is not changing the answer?

I’ve thought a lot about this.  Sometimes I think my life experience lends me to accept change more than others.  I’ve lived in a lot of places.  I’ve traveled.  I’ve experienced a lot of things.  I’m a parent.  I’m sick and continually need to be ready for things to change because eventually, they will.  That’s not everyone’s experience, and I get that.  But I often wonder how people unwilling to accept change would handle a challenging diagnosis.  If a large number of us are unwilling to make small changes daily to protect ourselves and others, how will we make big changes when we need to?  I think we’re seeing this scenario play out in the pandemic, in climate change, and in other large and small ways, and it doesn’t look good.

Change is hard.  There’s no question about it.  But it’s the only way forward.  Let’s all be here for each other and help each other through what must be done. 

I read a phrase the other day that really struck home-“Prepare your child for the road, not the road for your child.”  And that’s it, right there.  As an adult, I benefit from reading that as a reminder to be adaptable, to accept the challenges that come my way and be ready to change.  To listen to experts and not let my pride or fear get in the way of what is ultimately helpful to myself, my family, and my community.  If we aren’t adaptable, and we don’t raise our children to be, we end up turning around and marching right back into the mess instead of looking for new and fresh ways to better ourselves and our communities.

My other famous mom-ism is “The only way out is through.”  So let’s get together and start pushing through.  We can do it.